Okay, I’ve got to be honest… I don’t even understand why men have nipples in the first place let alone why they’d do this to them. Apparently, if you bind your nipples long enough the tissue temporarily expands and if you do it enough times the effects can be come permanent.
In related news, if you cut off your dick you’ll permanently be without a dick - WHAT’S YOUR POINT MORON?
Via nut jobs
I had been searching online for this pilot for a month; so you could imagine how thrilled I was to finally find it.
(Because watching TV on TV is soooo last century.)
From Josh Schwartz, the creator of the O.C., the premise couldn’t be simpler. Loser working at a Best Buy knock off gets all of the government’s secrets accidentally downloaded into his head. He has to work with the government to stop assassinations and such while keeping this all a secret from his friends and family.
While that premises could have gone in a million different directions (see the first season of Alias to see it more dreary), they play it light and funny… with a surprising amount of heart. Watch for the scene with the ballerina to see why this is one of critics favorite new shows.
While it’s kind of hard to remember now; before David Letterman had bypass surgery in the year 2000, he was kind of a dick - owning a reputation for picking unprovoked with guests… often the female ones.
(Notable examples: Madonna, Oprah, Richard Simmons…)
Well here’s a clip that proves that it’s not Letterman’s personality that’s changed, so much as people’s perception of him. Watch as he tries piercing through Paris Hilton’s dumb blond routine trying to cajole anything other than a PR sound bite out of her about her stay in jail.
Apparently he shot himself. David Hans Schmidt, the publicist most famous for trying to blackmail Tom Cruise with stolen pictures from his wedding to Katie Holmes; just committed suicide; presumably unable to deal with the legal fallout of his failed extortion attempt. The 47-year-old was under house arrest and awaiting an October 11 court room hearing where he was to formally plead guilty.
Aside from trying to extort in-the-closet Scientologists; Schmidt had been involved in the distribution of the Dustin Diamond (yes Screech) sex tape; auctioning off the Paris Hilton diaries, trying to sell topless photos of freed POW Jessica Lynch, and representing such wholesome individuals as Tonya Harding and that black chick who gave Hugh Grant a blow job.
Anyway, as they say if you have nothing nice to say about the dead… well I guess that’s the end of the post.
I don’t know why FOX isn’t including Hotel Chevalier, the 13-minute prequel to The Darjeeling Limited with that movie’s theatrical run; but more free stuff for us I guess.
Starring prequel veteran Princess Amidala and Darjeeling star Jason Schwartzman; the Hotel is from acclaimed director Wes Anderson but all you care is you get to see Natalie Portman naked in it. Anyway, here’s the film in it’s entirety.
Okay, after raving about this trailer a few days ago; I can now say I’m one of the few people on earth who’ve actually seen “An American Hippie in Israel” in its entirety. There was a special screening of it earlier tonight in an unmarked art gallery and for those of us lucky enough to hear about it, entrance was free; as it’s the kind of movie no one would even think of charging admission to.
The copy we were viewing appeared to a DVD transfer from a French VHS; here are my notes:
1) The title “An American Hippie in Israel” seems to have been created for the upcoming Grindhouse Releases repackaging; the original name of the movie is very clearly in English “The Hitch Hiker”. In fact, the film deliberately avoids specifying the locale, substituting “your country” and “you people” for Israel.
2) In a very unintentionally funny seduction scene; the Vietnam vet goes on about how he now travels the world because of the horrors he’s seen in war; only for his Shakespearean monologue to be interrupted around the five minute mark by the impatient lips of his female host. Whether it was lust or she was just trying to shut him up, we’ll never know.
3) Moments later, he picks her up as to “carry her across the threshold” only to move about half an inch and put her down in the exact same spot. It’s like the ADD of sex scenes.
4) After seducing his lady love with his “far out” slang; the American starts what appears to be a Jim Jones like cult in Tel Aviv. Despite wanting to be freed from having to wear clothing; his followers are covered from head to toe in formless white gowns.
5) The killer mimes in the trailer are supposed to represent the mindless machine society is trying to turn the hippie into.
6) While you can’t tell with the lead performance; ALL of the actors are Israelis with the English dubbed in later. I bring this up because as the movie progresses the cast has the habit of repeating the same lines over and over, as though that’s all of the script they can remember. Nope, for some reason the director had the chance to fix that in post and redundancy was actually an artistic decision. Beautiful.
7) Whoever came up with the “showing less is scarier” philosophy of Jaws clearly didn’t see the sharks in this movie.
8) One character’s dialogue is left in Hebrew as to set up the misunderstanding that leads to the film’s tragic ending. Though if you watch the scene carefully; while there’s a language barrier, there’s no actual misunderstanding. Oops.
9) With the four main characters now turning on each other; we cut away from the female leads and when we cut back they’re engaged in a topless catfight. Even if you don’t love this movie; you’ll love this movie.
10) Best I can tell the moral of the story is war is bad because innocent goats get slaughtered. Anyway, I give “An American Hippie in Israel” an 8 out of 10 in the pantheon of bad movies. While there are too many musical montages in places I’d prefer bad plot; the film more than makes up for it by having every single character seem stoned without a single instance of drug use.
While this feels like one of fake trailer’s from the Rodriguez/Tarantino “Grindhouse”; I did a little bit of research and “An American Hippie In Israel” is a real movie. But just barely.
Made in 1972, by first (and last) time director Amos Sefer with an Israeli cast; American Hippie (“The Hitchhiker” in Hebrew) follows a Vietnam vet seeking to make a desert utopia that quickly devolves into hellish struggle for survival. Featuring bombastic dialogue, loads of gratuitous nudity, anti Vietnam sermonizing, and most inexplicably killer mimes; “An American Hippie in Israel” was so bad that as far as I know it’s never received any kind of commercial release anywhere ever; living on only through a series of late night screening at single Tel Aviv theater in the 1980s.
That looks to change soon as a company called Grindhouse Releases has announced plans to release this soon-to-be cult classic on DVD; though even now it still lacks a firm release date or even a movie poster.
Margaret Cho, is famous (sort of) for being a stand up but what she really wants to do… is become a stripper?
Currently on the road headlining a burlesque-style variety show called “The Sensuous Woman”, Cho explains why at age 38, she wants to show the world her tassels now.
Just call it the wrongest camping trip since we learned Ned Beatty was a squealer.
This August 25th, for the fifth consecutive year, 400 Russian men and women dove into the whitewater rapids of the Vuoksa river; participating in the “Bubble Baba Challenge” - an event where sex dolls are used as protective flotation devices.
How did this tradition come about? Bubble Baba creator and organizer Dmitry Bulawinov wasn’t 100% clear but suffusive to say alcohol was involved at the time.
I guess because you’re never too young to become a complete and total whore…
Just in time for the holiday season, the Latino Comedy Project brings us the must have stocking stuffer for every little White Trash boy and girl.