I guess Katie Holmes passed on the new Batman movie ’cause she wanted her kid to get the Harvey Dent part.

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When it comes to presidential candidates, there are certainly people more electable than Dennis Kucinich, but take one look at his wife Elizabeth, and I think you’ll agree that some of the higher profile candidates wouldn’t mind switching places with him anyway.

Kucinich first met the then 27-year-old British beauty when she was lobbying him against what she termed “unjust monetary system.” Their second meeting involved Shirley Maclaine and ended in a marriage proposal.

In the unlikely event of her husband actually gets elected, aside from being the hottest “First Lady” ever, the 6 foot tall red-headed would also be the first “First Lady” who’s not an American citizen, and with the possible exception of Louisia Hoover; the only one to have a tongue ring.

I guess the tagline for this video would be, “She shot half a woman’s face off… you wanna see her naked?”

Yes, over fifteen years since Amy Fisher botched attempt at murdering her boyfriend’s wife thrust her and Joey Buttafuoco into the front pages of New York’s tabloids; the Long Island Lolita turned MILF has returned, this time bearing a sex tape.

The tape was taken by Fisher husband, Lou Bellera, who sold it to Red Light District Video, the porn peddlers behind such videos as “1 night in Paris” and the Screech sex tape, while the two were estranged.

Why were they estranged? Because Fisher was getting back together with Joey Buttafuoco; if some reports are to be believed, in an attempt to sell a reality show starring the two of them.

Bellera says he now regrets selling the sex tape of his wife; but apparently Amy has already forgiven him . That’s got to be the great thing, other than her new fake boobs, about being married to Amy Fisher -

No matter how badly you screw up; you’ll still never be the crazy one in the relationship.

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Okay, the key piece of information to process while watching this clip is the only reason Kris (Kardashian) Jenner’s underage children even know about Girls Gone Wild is because their mother agreed to a modeling deal whoring out their sister Kim… which their mother set up earlier with Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis… over the phone… while he was in jail.

(That’s aside from the fact it’s probably not normal for families to have stripper poles in the middle of their living room.)

So here’s the inevitable question: How is it that judges take Britney Spears’ children away from her like every five minutes, but this airs on national TV and Kris Jenner gets to keep hers?

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A Shot of Love with Tela Tequila is clearly the end of Western Civilization for half a dozen different reasons, but for Tila to kick off Rebecca for having a problem with monogamy? The whole concept of the show is Tela dating 32 different people at once!

And Rebecca has “a problem with monogamy”? I think my head is about to explode…

Loved the episode’s giant bed concept though; Hugh Hefner is probably kicking himself over not thinking up that one.

In talking up the new movie American Gangster in the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly, Russell Crowe let slip this interesting piece of gossip slip and by interesting I mean it would be… if the year was still 1995.

You know, I worked with Leonardo when he was 18 [on the Western The Quick and the Dead]. He was a virgin, and he would talk about that constantly. So I’m hoping we have some time so he can fill in what’s happened in between. Maybe show some photos. Because I’m sure life’s different now.

How 12 years has changed things. DiCaprio now goes through supermodels like rolls of toilet paper; and both he and Crowe went on to become two of the biggest movie stars in the world. Director Sam Raimi went onto helm the trillion dollar Spiderman franchise.

Ironically only the film’s star wouldn’t go on to bigger and better things. Sharon Stone now takes second billing on crap like Halle Berry’s horrendous Catwoman movie. Incidentally, the character Halle Berry played in 1994’s “The Flintstones”? Sharon Stone.

Don’t you deserve the finest things?

Well I can’t promise you “diamond creamed facials” but I do know how to upgrade your social networking experience. Hitchaser sponsor 8hands, who’s desktop application is revolutionizing the way people are interacting online, has made their free product even easier too use.

The latest Alpha version of 8hands includes real time updates from your Facebook page, notifications when your Flickr contacts upload new pictures, and thanks to reduced memory usage takes up even less space… something Ms. Bootylicious can’t even offer.

You can check 8hands for yourself HERE.

I know; I know… Kim Kardashian naked is a little is less exciting now that you’ve already seen her having hardcore sex but I figure if we can prolong her modeling career; we can preemptively distract her from that acting career that will make Sofia Coppola look talented.

As for Playboy, they get someone you’ve actually heard of to pose naked; which happens about as often as Halley’s Comet at this point.

Anyway you can the complete collection of Kim Kardashian Playboy photos HERE. Now excuse me while I go throw up.

(It’s because I’m under the weather, she’s a very pretty no-talent; honest!)

Scientists in Hollywood California announced early Friday morning the first successfully cloned human being.

In explaining why they chose a child star over say, Albert Einstein or Steven Hawking as their initial subject, Clone-Co co-president Steve Johnson was unapologetic.

“Look maybe cloning those guys may have been a bigger contribution to science but here at Clone-Co we have bills to pay and cloning Dakota Fanning financially just made more sense. Her movies have made over 800 million dollars at the box office domestically alone, and we believe if our Dakota Fanning clone just accepts a couple of film roles the real Dakota turns down, our company will be back in the black within 6 months.”

“But we’re not being exploitive, even though we legally own every molecule in her body; we’re putting 50% of all her earning in a trust fund; which the Dakota clone will have access to when she turns 18. You know; if she actually lives that long…”

“And we’re taking great pains to raise the Dakota clone as a real girl. It’s funny”, co-president Frank Powers commented, “But for years we would go to the movies and my wife would ask, why can’t our own daughter be more like that cute Dakota Fanning? So you can imagine how thrilled she was when I brought Dakota home to live with us!”

“Unfortunately, we could only afford to keep one of the girls. It was nothing personal of course, it’s just Robert De Nero wouldn’t return my real daughter’s calls. Anyway, I understand they found her a happy new home living with Ellen DeGeneres’ hairdresser.”

Johnson and Powers concluded the press conference by announcing their clone had already landed her first role, alongside Cameron Diaz and the real Dakota Fanning in a movie entitled “My Sister’s Keeper”.

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That’s not his granddaughter.

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