I swear, it’s reasons like this that for years the US when without paying their United Nations.

Rather than focusing on problems like world poverty and AIDS, the U.N. have decided their most pressing need in getting people to like them, producing a comic book that will show Marvel superheros working with U.N. Peacekeepers in an unnamed war torn country. The issue will be distributed for free to 1 million American school children, who are of course starved for cheap comic books.

Though I’ve got to admit the superhero analogy is pretty apt. Like comic book characters, The U.N. try to make the world a better place, only to fall victim to endless infighting in nearly every “issue”.

Here’s Helen Slater who played Supergirl in the 1984 movie along with Laura Vandervoort, who will take over the role on Smallville this season.

Which do you prefer; a women in uniform or a woman out of it?

Ain’t It Cool News has just posted the first five pages of the IDW’s new “Angel: After The Fall” series and I’ve got to admit it left me kind of lukewarm. First of all, while I adore the “Buffy: Season 8″ comic; the last episode of Angel was probably one of the best series finals of all time, and it felt like everything that needed to be said about those characters was accomplished during the show’s closing moments.

The new comic begins a few months after climatic battle we never saw with Angel now friends with the dragon he was going to slay.

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Am I the only one who notices Heath Ledger seems to be playing The Joker as a drag queen who doesn’t know how to put on lipstick?

Anyway, all in all… these pictures look pretty promising.

Fresh off the announcement from the San Diego Comic Book Con that Zeb Wells is going to be one of the writers on the thrice monthly Amazing Spiderman; here’s the YouTube video that originally got him hired at Marvel Comics.

Personal favorite moments: Supergirl as a belligerent drunk and The Incredible Hulk sounding like a mildly retarded Ray Romano… which is to say he just sounds like Ray Romano.

Even before learning Gerald Way was a failed artist and animator before becoming My Chemical Romance’s front man; I assumed he was a comic book fan. I mean their The Black Parade outfits are basically the costume of obscure DC superhero The Ray. So when Dark Horse Comics recently announced that Way would be writing a six-issue series original comic book series entitled “The Umbrella Academy” it wasn’t exactly a shock.

The Umbrella Academy picks up in the lives of seven once child superheroes, after their adapted father, dubiously named “The Monocle”, dies. After they reunited, the seven very different now adults are forced to put aside their various differences after they learn of a plot that threatens the world.

I know, the story seems a little bit too familiar but I can’t fault Gerard Way for his enthusiasm. With comic books apparently his first love, he chose Dark Horse as his publisher because he wanted to draw attention to some of the other great work being produced at a smaller company.

…and this seems guaranteed to draw a whole new audience into comic book shops.

…and the artwork looks great; Brazilian Gabriel Bá adapts a style that’s a cross between Hellboy creator Mike Mignola and a comic book strip.

But the number one reason we should give this comic book a shot is Gerard Way only started working on it after cleaning himself up from his, you know, chemical romance and noticing he had 9 extra hours of free time each day. How’s that for a marketing slogan?

“Buy my comic or I might relapse!”

Anyway, jokes in poor taste aside, Entertainment Weekly just posted an exclusive three page preview of issue number one, so if you’d like to see more of The Umbrella Academy, you can here.

Okay… I know Civil War officially finished back in February but the thing suffered from so many delays that I figured it would just be easier waiting for the trade paperback to come out. Now after reading the 7-part series all in one sitting; I think I might have been better skipping the book all together.

For those of you not in the know; Civil War was Marvel Comics big crossover of the last year. An allegory for the debate over protecting the community vs. individual freedoms, Civil War is set mostly in the greater New York area, and is much steeped in the post 9-11 vernacular. It starts with the superhero group The New Warriors tracking down a gang of super villains… not so much in the name of justice but to juice up ratings for the Cops like reality series they’re staring in. Finding the big baddies in suburbia during their off hours; the battle ensues and unexpectedly one of the heavies detonates himself, flattening everything in a several block radius, killing 800-900 people.

A public outcry follows, arguing that the New Warriors were too out of their league and these inexperienced superheroes end up doing more harm then good. A superhero registration is deemed the solution; with superheroes needing to submit their secret identities, to training, and become government employees to remain in business. Otherwise, anyone caught fighting crime will be put in prison.

Anyway, Iron Man heads up the group of superheroes who support the legislation and Captain America represents those opposed to it. That’s when it becomes every Marvel Universe crossover ever: One group of heroes is like “let’s not do this, I respect you too” and then others are like “no, we respect you too much”; inevitably followed by the two parties beating the living crap out of each other because apparently their social skills never evolved beyond 6-year-olds on the playground. Along the way, a superhero gets killed in the infighting, Spiderman publicly reveals his secret identity and… well actually that maybe it.

The other major problem with Civil War is it was more of a marketing beachhead than a coherent story. Points like if any of the New Warriors survived the blast are never even brought up, major character turns such as Iron Man becoming an evangelist for hero registration begins and finishes in a couple of panels, and in general even main characters never feel like more than cardboard cutouts for a particular policy positions. I know the gaps would be filled in by the million and one crossover tie-in comics but I have a limited budget and why would Marvel want their showcase comic to be something that doesn’t hold up on its own?

There was one moment that did work. After The Punisher kills a couple of super villains in cold blood, Captain America starts completely wailing on him, with The Punisher totally unwilling to fight back. Commenting, Spiderman notes that they’re the “same guy, different war”, a fascinating commentary on how being a hero is more about circumstance and perspective that the actually character of a man. I’d love to read a comic book about that, but unfortunately that’s not the one I got.

(And stop railing on the New Warriors! When did they become the 98-pound-weakling of superhero teams? They’re not the Great Lake Avengers!)

In theory, Joss Whedon launching “the official” 8th season of Buffy: the Vampire Slayer as a comic book should have never worked. The concept; a logical extension of the second half of season 7, is Buffy having disbursed her powers so that any potential slayer now is one, is teaching and training an army of girls and young woman to fight the creatures that go bump in the night.

A school/super team that of super powered children who go around the world trying to save humanity from evil… basically, it’s the plot to every X-Men comic book that’s come out since 1963. Which still could have sounded cool; expect Joss Whedon is concurrently finishing up a run Astonishing X Men that was notably disappointing.

(He fell into a trap that’s plagued most X Men writers since 1991; rehashing old Chris Claremont stories.)

And yet, after reading “The Long Way Home” storyline the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight comic book seems both a flawless transition from mediums and the X Men comic I’ve been waiting for Joss Whedon to write. Three years since we’ve last seen them, the Scoobies are now based primarily out of Scotland and their lives are still filled with much stress-age.

Dawn just lost her virginity to a thricewise named Kenny and became a giant… proving that plot points can revolve around “your ass looks huge” jokes. Xander has basically become Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. but can’t get Buffy to stop calling him Mr. Watcher. And Buffy seemingly is developing a crush on a certain Cyclops while an old enemy puts her in a coma that can only be broken with the kiss of true love… which may or may not be related. And not to give too much a way but when the season’s big adversary is finally revealed it completely fits… even if it lifts the core conflict of X Men comics.

(Side note: this season is totally going to end with Amy being turned back into a rat and Warren turned into a slice of cheese.)

As much as I loved the first four issues of Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, there were some curiosities about “The Long Way Home” storyline. The potential Buffy having a crush on Xander is a great direction, considering in 144 episodes, it was one of the few potential storylines not covered; but it popping up in issue one without the actors there selling it; sort of made me feel like I was reading fan fiction. And as much as I was otherwise impressed with Georges Jeanty artwork, the guy couldn’t capture Andrew’s likeness if you put a gun to his head.

It’s also kind of funny that in a property called VAMPIRE Slayer other than a couple of stray dream panels; not a single vampire appears in any of the four issues. But I totally agree with the decision to bench Spike, which was partly influenced by the character currently being licensed to separate comic book company. As much as he offers as a character, he had so much face time in the last two seasons of Buffy that it’s important to see how she functions as a character without him again.

In general, as cool as it would have been for the band to have gotten back together and for a season 8 to air on television, more than anything what made the show special was the quality of the writing; and with almost all of the key writers, not just Whedon set to contribute, I couldn’t be more siked for the rest of the series.

It’s not a secret that many celebrities have a big ego; but then there are the select few actually think they’re Superman. Let’s do a quick role call through some of the most famous celeb superman tattoo pics:

Here we see the most famous Superman tattoo in the world; residing on the left bicep of the 7′1, 325 lbs basketball player Shaquille O’Neal. While he already has the heroics of earning four championships and is a professional do-gooder, working as a reserve Miami Beach police officer(!); I’m not sure if I’m ready to crown him the Man of Steel just yet. For one thing, he’s actually bigger and bulkier than the actual Superman, and as great as a personality as Shaq has; you got to believe the real Superman wouldn’t keep taking the regular season off.

Actually this one makes perfect sense; Superman is an alien from a planet far, far away and New Jersey is the cultural equivalent. Or maybe Jon Bon Jovi is more The Punisher. “I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back, I play for keeps, ’cause I might not make it back”: A tough guy in hairspray.

Okay… I can’t actually find the superman tattoo pics of it; but trust me, Joey Fatone has a Superman logo tattooed on his ankle. Though not the most intimidating stand in; if Lex Luther ever threatened the hero to a dance off; Joey would totally have that covered. Plus, less you think Fatone is too goofy remember that Superman is the one wearing his underwear on the outside.

Other notable celebrity superhero tattoos include Cory Haim and Antonio Sabato Jr. who both have Batman tattoos on their backs, Billy Idol who has a tat of the Russian comic book character Oktobriana, and Robert Downey Jr. who in an impressive show of narcissism got a picture of himself as a superhero permanently embedded in his left bicep.

Sometimes a celebrity gets their tattoo in conjunction with a role, like for instance, Pamela Anderson in the movie Barbed Wire. Originally a symbol for life without parole in Russian Prisons; the barbed wire image was so striking that Anderson and others such as Ben Affleck decided they wanted it permanently.

Other times the real thing gets in the way of filming. Nick Cage, a lifelong Ghost Rider fan, actually had to hide the real flaming skull tattoo on his arm when playing the title character.

Dig this: Avril Lavigne isn’t just satisfied with Girlfriend being a teenage pop anthem for English speaking teens - she’s after the rest of the world. The angsty punk rock singer turned cheerleader overnight has recorded eight (8!) different versions of the song in Spanish, Mandarin, Japanese, French, German, Italian, and Portuguese (in addition to the English version). The singer’s peeps (who run the star’s life) announced she’s incredibly popular in the Asian market, and that consumption of Lavigne related products in that market is far greater than in the Western part of the world. In fact, Lavigne is also going to be featured on a manga comic book titled “Make 5 Wishes”. I’m going to go get some fresh air now. Photo courtesy of Harper’s Bazaar.