It makes me want to eat vegetables - just to get them to shut the fuck up.

With the trinity of The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin, composer Alan Menken and lyricist Howard Ashman revolutionized what the animated musical could be; combining yearning melodies with clever lyrics on par with Stephen Sondheim. Disney would go on to systematically try reproducing every aspect of those three films, but aside from commercial success of The Lion King, each succeeding movie brought increasingly diminishing returns.

Enchanted though seems to be a return to form; at least in terms of the music. While Ashman died of AIDS back in 1991; Menken teams up with lyricist Enchanted to create something that sound both modern and like it could have come 1989 - which is the highest compliment I can pay a Disney musical.

Here’s a perfect example as “That’s How You Know” as draws from the Caribbean sound of “Kiss the Girl” without feeling redundant.

Hitman, which is apparently some videogame movie I’ve never heard of and probably never will again; is making news for it’s rather transparent ad campaign.

Apparently if you look very closely at the crotch area of Ukrainian actress Olga Kurylenko’s sheer red dress you can see what appears to be her very own Sharon Stone moment.

While movie posters are normally submitted for the approval of MPAA censors; sometimes details just seem to go over censors’ heads such as the “Bigger, Longer, Uncut” title to the South Park movie.

After the jump look for yourself; taken from a poster on the New York Subway.

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Here’s the rule of thumb with this movie… if you sat through Glitter pre-order it on DVD. For everyone else; this makes the Spice Girls movie seem like Purple Rain.

“Finding t.A.T.u” is based on a book, “t.A.T.u. come back” about the true story of two female T.A.T.u. who fall in love and then fall into a life of crime. As the book was written through a series of text messages, I’ll let writer Alexei Mitrofanov explain what I only half understand.

There were two fans of t.A.T.u., they wanted to run away to Moscow, they came to take a passport, a fight happened, they killed the mother of one of them, and they went to jail. They just asked to stay together and spend their punishment together.

The girls from t.A.T.u. appear in the movie as themselves and provide the soundtrack. Misha Barton, who O.C. fans will remember as the least convincing lesbian ever, has improbably been cast as one of the two female leads.

I don’t know why FOX isn’t including Hotel Chevalier, the 13-minute prequel to The Darjeeling Limited with that movie’s theatrical run; but more free stuff for us I guess.

Starring prequel veteran Princess Amidala and Darjeeling star Jason Schwartzman; the Hotel is from acclaimed director Wes Anderson but all you care is you get to see Natalie Portman naked in it. Anyway, here’s the film in it’s entirety.

Okay, after raving about this trailer a few days ago; I can now say I’m one of the few people on earth who’ve actually seen “An American Hippie in Israel” in its entirety. There was a special screening of it earlier tonight in an unmarked art gallery and for those of us lucky enough to hear about it, entrance was free; as it’s the kind of movie no one would even think of charging admission to.

The copy we were viewing appeared to a DVD transfer from a French VHS; here are my notes:

1) The title “An American Hippie in Israel” seems to have been created for the upcoming Grindhouse Releases repackaging; the original name of the movie is very clearly in English “The Hitch Hiker”. In fact, the film deliberately avoids specifying the locale, substituting “your country” and “you people” for Israel.

2) In a very unintentionally funny seduction scene; the Vietnam vet goes on about how he now travels the world because of the horrors he’s seen in war; only for his Shakespearean monologue to be interrupted around the five minute mark by the impatient lips of his female host. Whether it was lust or she was just trying to shut him up, we’ll never know.

3) Moments later, he picks her up as to “carry her across the threshold” only to move about half an inch and put her down in the exact same spot. It’s like the ADD of sex scenes.

4) After seducing his lady love with his “far out” slang; the American starts what appears to be a Jim Jones like cult in Tel Aviv. Despite wanting to be freed from having to wear clothing; his followers are covered from head to toe in formless white gowns.

5) The killer mimes in the trailer are supposed to represent the mindless machine society is trying to turn the hippie into.

6) While you can’t tell with the lead performance; ALL of the actors are Israelis with the English dubbed in later. I bring this up because as the movie progresses the cast has the habit of repeating the same lines over and over, as though that’s all of the script they can remember. Nope, for some reason the director had the chance to fix that in post and redundancy was actually an artistic decision. Beautiful.

7) Whoever came up with the “showing less is scarier” philosophy of Jaws clearly didn’t see the sharks in this movie.

8) One character’s dialogue is left in Hebrew as to set up the misunderstanding that leads to the film’s tragic ending. Though if you watch the scene carefully; while there’s a language barrier, there’s no actual misunderstanding. Oops.

9) With the four main characters now turning on each other; we cut away from the female leads and when we cut back they’re engaged in a topless catfight. Even if you don’t love this movie; you’ll love this movie.

10) Best I can tell the moral of the story is war is bad because innocent goats get slaughtered. Anyway, I give “An American Hippie in Israel” an 8 out of 10 in the pantheon of bad movies. While there are too many musical montages in places I’d prefer bad plot; the film more than makes up for it by having every single character seem stoned without a single instance of drug use.

While this feels like one of fake trailer’s from the Rodriguez/Tarantino “Grindhouse”; I did a little bit of research and “An American Hippie In Israel” is a real movie. But just barely.

Made in 1972, by first (and last) time director Amos Sefer with an Israeli cast; American Hippie (“The Hitchhiker” in Hebrew) follows a Vietnam vet seeking to make a desert utopia that quickly devolves into hellish struggle for survival. Featuring bombastic dialogue, loads of gratuitous nudity, anti Vietnam sermonizing, and most inexplicably killer mimes; “An American Hippie in Israel” was so bad that as far as I know it’s never received any kind of commercial release anywhere ever; living on only through a series of late night screening at single Tel Aviv theater in the 1980s.

That looks to change soon as a company called Grindhouse Releases has announced plans to release this soon-to-be cult classic on DVD; though even now it still lacks a firm release date or even a movie poster.

Israeli source

Am I the only one who notices Heath Ledger seems to be playing The Joker as a drag queen who doesn’t know how to put on lipstick?

Anyway, all in all… these pictures look pretty promising.

Well, this trailer seems quite incoherent, but Jessica Alba’s so hot probably no one will ever notice. But for all of you who are interested in the true meaning of this film, and tired of reading boring reviews written by people who actually saw the films, I give you my expert film student trailer review.

As you can see, Jessica really wants to get married, but this silver surfer guy from Kinkios did not get the invitations printed on time. Jessica and her groom, terrified from postponing the wedding, chase the silver surfer, but fail to catch him. Hot Jessica furiously bursts into flames, but still silver surfer refuses to give her the invitations. Will Jessica and her groom ever get those invitations? Is Kinkios a reliable company? Where are Jessica’s acting abilities?

To answer these questions you will unfortunately have to see this film. It’s out today. Good luck!