With The Colbert Report still out of commission until Jan. 7. and even then is still going to suck, thanks to the ongoing writer’s strike, the only way to get fresh material from Stephen Colbert is to look to the past. This clip from Chicago’s Second City is from 1990, but hey… it’s new to me.

What also might be new to you is free Christmas ringtones. You can download Jingle Bell Scratch here.

What that’s not Mrs. Frank Gifford? Oops my mistake. Actually seeing how dinosaurs are 65 million years old, this is the first time Regis Philbin has actually had a contemporary as a guest.

Can I get a rimshot for that one… what the T Rex ate the rimshot? Ok… that’s fair.

No one would ever accuse Sherri Shepherd of being an even below average theologian… but is there even the slightest bit of connection between what goes on in her brain and what comes out of her mouth?

Since Shepherd’s statements, “I don’t think anything predated Christians” and “Jesus came first” seems so out there, I was curious what her religious background is. Turns out Shepherd was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness; here’s what Wikipedia says about Jehovah’s Witnesses:

Jesus is believed to be God’s first creation, and thus is considered to be an independent entity from God who was used by Him to create everything else.[81] Jesus is literally the only begotten Son of God, is considered to be the archangel Michael and received his life from God.

So while yes, Sherri Shepherd does seem profoundly ignorant; she’s not actually pulling out these ideas from thin air.

Don’t get me wrong I love TV but if people who actually make these horrific clips with their pets would go on a solidarity strike… there’s a pile of books I’ve been meaning to read for years anyway.

Badly spelled captions of animals are not cute. LOL=does not equal funny. People should be protected from the dramatic hamster under the Geneva Conventions. If Hitler was alive today he’d say, geez I though the Jews were who I wanted to exterminate but that’s before I came across Lolcats.

So yes animal kingdom go on strike, please… just remember to take Carson Daly back to the picket line with you. Just because your not funny, doesn’t mean he is.

Which would have made sense if Ellen Degenaris was a finalist on The Bachelor or hell, even just a straight woman.

But no; apparently Brad Womack’s decision to nix both his potential brides was so vicariously brutal, he’s even got lesbians upset they’ll never find Mr. Right.

While granted I’ve never been able to sit through even five minutes of of The Bachelor, I’ve seen enough Tila Tequila to know the only sincere thing you can say on a dating reality show is that you haven’t found love on a dating reality show.

One of them is a loud, opinionated penis head and one is ALF.

Both of them like eating cats.

Here’s footage of Matt Damon five minutes before he fired his agent.

Anyway, the name of the Japanese program is Let’s Go to School and near as I can tell it’s mission is to put celebrities in as many awkward situations with underage school girls as possible.

And while Damon handled it gracefully, the Harry Potter kid looks like he’s about to pee in his pants. Which the Japanese would probably be into come to think of it.

I guess you could pity the fool whose highest profile gig is a video game commercial, but I chose to think in the internet age, the 30 second ad is the modern feature.

He’s ahead of the curve; you know like how on the A-Team everyone thought the mohawk was bizarre but now twenty years later everyone’s wearing- oh wait; never mind.

I get on David Letterman’s case a lot because he’s been recycling the same jokes for twenty year, because he’s often hostile to pretty women, and probably half a dozen other reason; but give credit where credit is do, he just did something very stand up.

He’s assured Worldwide Pants employees that they’ll receive their pay check through the end of the year, regardless of if the shows they work on actually air. That means while during the Writer’s Strike, everyone else writers or otherwise has been left high and dry, employees of The Late Show with David Letterman and the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson will continue to have a cushion through the holiday season.

In contrast, Ellen Degeneres returned to taping her show without her writers after one day, which is one day less than she took off when she was upset about a dog.

Great Ellen, you’re even making David Letterman come off like a nice guy.

Actually while Firefly never became a hit the size of Joss Whedon’s other TV shows, this isn’t the work of an angry executive producer; rather a promo for the new FOX Terminator series.

Anyway, it’s nice to see Summer Glau get work again… or at least parts of her.